“Psychologically, the shadow or reflection carries the image of the self – not the Ego. Narcissism (though rarely) does tend to ameliorate with age and many forms of pathological narcissism are reactive and transient (Millman, 1989 Ronningstam and Gunderson, 1996).Īre narcissists capable of introspection? Can they distinguish their False Self from who they really are? Can this help them in the therapeutic process?Ī passage by Nathan Salant-Schwartz from “Narcissism and Character Transformation”. This, as far as I am concerned, is a form of social engineering. If the narcissist’s abrasiveness, rage, mood swings, reckless and impulsive behaviors are modified - those around him benefit most. The emphasis in therapy is thus more on accommodating the needs of those nearest and dearest to the narcissist - spouse, children, colleagues, friends - than on “treating” the narcissist. I have yet to encounter a healed narcissist. There is a huge difference between behavior modification and a permanent alteration of the psychodynamic landscape. Narcissistic behavior CAN be modified using a cocktail of talk therapy, conditioning, and medication. I never said that narcissists cannot CHANGE - only that they cannot HEAL. Many narcissists report the same process of progression followed by recidivist remission and many therapists refuse to treat narcissists because of the Sisyphean frustration involved. The “progress” he had made evaporates virtually overnight. And there often are signs that he IS changing. This is especially true when his whole world is in shambles. Time in prison, a divorce, a bankruptcy, a death of a major source of narcissistic supply - are all transforming life crises. The narcissist admits to a problem only when abandoned, destitute, and devastated. He feels that he doesn’t want any more of this. He wants to change. Sometimes, when the narcissist first learns about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), he really believes he could change (usually, following a period of violent rejection of the “charges” against him). He fervently wants to. The narcissist may realize, belatedly, that he is ticking – but never what makes him tick. But, he won’t be able to fully account for WHY it is that he is addicted to narcissistic supply and what role it plays in his psychology, interpersonal relationships, and life. So he may say: “I really like attention” or even, disparagingly or self-deprecatingly: “I am an attention whore”. But he never grasps the psychodynamic significance of his conduct, the deeper layers of motivation, and the relentless and inexorable engine at the convoluted and tormented core of his being. Moreover: the narcissist may grow aware of certain behaviors of his that are pathological, dysfunctional, or self-defeating. It remains an inert and indifferent piece of knowledge, with minor influence on the narcissist’s psyche. This new gained knowledge does not become a motivating part of the narcissist. The alien is the narcissist’s False Self - a defence mechanism constructed in order to shield his True Self from hurt and inevitable abandonment.Ĭognitive understanding of the disorder does not constitute a transforming Insight. In other words, it has no emotional correlate. The narcissist does not Internalize what he understands and learns about his disorder. It is rather like being abducted by an alien and ruthlessly indoctrinated ever since. Every utterance, decision, his very body language - are all manifestations of narcissism. Everything the narcissist does is motivated by it. If the narcissist becomes self-aware, if he accepts that he is a narcissist, isn’t this the first, important step, towards healing?Īnswer: Narcissism defines the narcissist’s waking moments and his nocturnal dreams. “Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots?” (Jeremiah 13:23) Paper Self-awareness and self-acceptance in narcissism
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